Santa Banta Jokes

August 09, 2014 sms No comments

santa banta fun

Top 60 santa banta jokes in hindi & english share with your friends and share in social sites very funny jokes we bring for you funny santa banta jokes collection.

An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out

Jeeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.

Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto
Banta asks: Why r u removing a wheel from your auto?
Santa: Can't u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only'

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He is not studying, they are studying him!

Santa standing on platform
Suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa you will die.
Santa: you will die, have you not
Heard train is coming on platform.

Santa's wife dies. He is calm,
But his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him:
Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body,
he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

Santa goes to buy a underwear.
On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Please show me daily wear underwear not Party wear.

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

santa banta jokes in hindi

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai
Frog: Nahin hai
Santa: Hai
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address dita hai.
Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.

Banta:-meri aadat hai,main jo bhi kaam karta hoon usme doob jata hoon.
Santa:-to tum kuaa kyon nahin khodte? v

Santa jain: murga kesa diya.
Shopkeeper: Rs. 80 Rs. 50 Rs. 10
Santa jain: Rs. Ka itna sasta kyu?
Shopkeeper: Saab isse aids hai.
Santa jain: de do khana hai, shaadi thodi karni hai!!

Santa:-jab main paida hua tha to mere papa ne 51 banduke chalwai thi.
Banta:-kamaal hai,sabka nishana chook gaya.

Santa :-maine doodhwale se pyaaz ke daam pooche to usne kaha pahle 5 rupyeedo phir bataunga?
Banta:-achcha phir kya hua?
Santa:-pahle 5 rupyee do phir bataunga.

Santa maisur palace ghoomne gaya. Tourist guide use bola,
"sir is kursi per mat baithiye, ye tipu sultan ki hai." Santa bola,
"are yaar tum chinta mat karo,wo aaega to main uth jaaunga."

Santa joined NASA.
After one month the
Americans had to
Change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA

Santa:are Maa ,ek achchi khabar hai . Hum 2 se 3 Ho Gaye Hai!
santa ki Maa: achha jaldi bata , beta Hua hai ya beti?
Santa: are nahi Maa, tumhaari bahu ne Doosri Shaadi karli !!

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut kabada afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Bhagwan ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo.

Santa went to battery shop and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.

Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai?
Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre
Teacher(Gusse se): How?
Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doctor.
Doctor: what happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai

Santa went to see a girl for marriage.
Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?"
Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Master ji : kaha gire
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..

Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon.
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na.
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu?

Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Santa: Aaj muze maar padi.
Banta: Kyo?
Santa: Sharmaji ka Beta kho gaya.
Banta: Phir?
Santa: Maine kaha, Google pe dhundo
Aur mil gaya to download kar lo !!

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, khud ka samaan pehchan jayege

Santa: kelaa kitne ka hai?
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya?
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo

Santa: pappa agar main exam pass karunga to kya doge?
Pappa: ek cycle dilaadoonga
Santa: agar fail hua to?
Pappa: 10 cycle dilaaunga
Santa: woh kyu?
Pappa: padhaai bandh karke cycle shop khol lo

Santa hotel manager se:-jaldi chalo meri biwi khidki se kood kar jaan dena chahti hai.
Manager:-isme main kya kar sakta hoon sir.
Santa:-are,khidki nahin khul rahi hai..

Santa:-sherka pinjra khula reh jaae to kya ho sakta hai?
Banta:-sher chori ho sakta hai.

Santa:-bantatum kyon ro rahe ho?
Banta:-dekho ye haathi mar gaya.
Santa:-ohh,kya wo tumne pala tha.
Banta :-nahin,per mujhe iski kabr khodne ka kaam mila hai.

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kiske liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhareliye.

Santa:- ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyaan thi. Log use radhe shyam kahte the. Batao kyon?
Banta:-kyon?
Santa:-uska naam radhe shyam tha.

Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.

Santa ke ghar ladki hui .ab use chinta ho gai ki uski beti badi hogi to ladke chedge.
Santa:-per maine iska intzaam kar liya hai.
Banta:-kya?
Santa:-maine apni beti ka naam didi rakh diya hai.

Santa:-ye chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Banta:-aahatya karne ke liye.
Santa:-to isme ubaalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Banta:-are yaar kahin infection na ho jaae.

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

Beta: Papa, aap engineer kaise bane?
Santa: uske liye bahut dimaag ka zaroorat padta hai.
Beta: haa pata hai, isiliye mujhe samajh mein nahi aa rahaa hai ke aap kaise engineer bane?

SantaBanta double deker bus mein bhete the toh banta niche bheta that aur santa upper toh banta bola "are check kar ke aata hun ki santa ko mazza aa raha hai ki nahi" woh gya toh dekha ki santa ek kone mein bheta hai toh woh gya aur bola "are santa kya hua tu aise chipuk ke kyun bheta hai" toh santa bola are tere pass toh niche driver bhi hai mere toh woh bhi nahi hai.

Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hotahai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi hoto use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

Santa:-kya aapne hi kal mere ladke ko doobne se bachaya tha.
Banta:-haan haan , per baar baar aap meri taarif mat kariye.
Santa:-achcha to ye bataiye mere ladke ki topi kahan gayi

Santa police wale se:-sir kal tv ke alawa mere ghar ka sara samaan chori ho gaya.
Police wala:-to tv kyon chori nahin hua?
Santa:-ji sir tv to main dekh raha tha na.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Santa:-mere pitaji bahot samajhdaar hain,jab bhi maachis kharidte hain poori 50 teeli ginkar dekhte hain.
Banta:-mere pitaji un se zyada samjhdaar hain,wo 50 ki 50 teeli jalakar dekhtehain.

Santa:-achcha bhaarat main kitne mahapurush paida hue hain?
Banta:-bhaarat main mahapurush kya koi purush bhi paida nahin hua,sab bachchehi paida hue hain.

Santa:-are yaar banta tere daant kaise toot gaye?
Banta:-hasne ke karan.
Santa:-who kaise?
Banta:-are yaar main ek pehalwan ko dekh kar has pada.

Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

Santa:-yaar banta kal mei biwi mere ek dost ke saath bhaag gayi.
Banta:-tujhko to bahot yaad aati hogi uski ,phir?
Santa:-haan yaar wo mera bahot achchadost tha mera.

Doctor: bantaji, khaane ke baad neend ki goliya lee na aapne.
Banta: uff!! khaane ke baad zor se neend aa raha tha to maine goli lena bhool gaya.

Santa ek dukaan wale se sheesha khareedne gaya,"is sheeshe ki majbooti ki kya guarantee hai?"
Dukaan wala:-ye sheesha yadi aap 100th manzil se fekenge, to ye 99 manzil tak bhi nahi tutega.

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